Oh the blame game… keeping us alive and ticking when something doesn’t go our way. How the drama unfolds with different backdrops, props and cast involved. The director in us framing it just how we want it because we can, because it’s all in our head.
There, I said it “It’s all in our head.” Our perception is our reality and how we choose to react or act then often becomes THE reality.
Brene Brown in her short 3.5min video clip (animated by Katy Davis aka Gobblynne for the RSA) says it brilliantly. In short, the way to win any blame game, is not to start any blame game. I know, that is a boring answer. It’s like telling someone standing in front of the glitzy casino door that the way to win in gambling is not to start gambling. But what about the trill of the experience, the fast and furious gameplay, the potential of winning big, the possible celebrations with loved ones after… ? Fine, I digress.
Let’s stick to the wisdom of Brene “Here is what we know from the research. Blame is simply the discharging of discomfort and pain. It has an inverse relationship with accountability…People who blame a lot seldom have the tenacity and grit to actually hold people accountable. Because we've spent all of our energy raging for 15 seconds and figuring out whose fault something is. Blaming is very corrosive in relationships, and it's one of the reasons we miss our opportunities for empathy."
So rather than delving in intricate blame games, take the time instead to choose control by instilling accountability. Accountability towards maintaining healthy and empathetic relationships.
Seriously, who can blame anyone for choosing happiness, smiles and hugs.